2/ I've been sharing secrets online since the mid-90s. Few find the information and still I feel relief having shared it. Therapy, basically. (That's what my streams are now. See dotart.blog/humanissome/stream….) My current big secret is that I plan to move within a year. It's a secret from those I know in real life for complicated reasons. My existence as a full-time artist without income is funded by the person who manages my (demented, Trump-voting) mother's finances. Implicit in that is that I visit

3/7 My mental health and physical health prevent me from visiting my mother much. She has a cheerful dementia, always happy to see me when I do come. None of the "why don't you come more often?" that was her prior routine. She lives in constant present. Last year she took me for my birthday dinner. When we spoke the next day she said she'd have to take me out for my birthday. The personal is political. My mother opposes my right to exist. I've struggled with this my whole life.

4/ Neither my sister nor I had close relationships as adults with either of our parents. It's a pattern seen in many white American households, where younger generations grow to believe in the values that we were taught only to discover that older generations didn't actually mean "freedom, justice, equality for all" when they said it. They meant it with an invisible asterisk that added: "as long as the established hierarchy remains unquestioned." The personal is political. The US is Trumplandia.

5/7 Once I sell I will have funds to exist, but not a moment before then. So when do I tell my plans to those on whom I depend financially? It's a similar situation with my chronic pain. A wealthy friend treats me to treatments for that ailment. Her gift of health care is the reason I am able to write this now, to sit up, to walk, to get out of bed & do anything. 8 weeks ago I was fully disabled. My friend promised she won't let that happen again; but she gets something out of it, my presence.

6/ Deciding to move will upset the expectations of the 2 who fund my ability to live. That thought is burdening me. A week from now I will be hosting a small group of close friends. I believe I will let them know my plans to move. Maybe I'll even ask them to pick out furniture or art they might want. My hope is to be able to be itinerant until I decide on a new home. I do not want it to be here, but there are places here I could probably stay for free. So I could still visit mother & be happier.