Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
The story of Gisele Pelicot has been haunting me ever since I heard about it.
For those who haven’t heard - Gisele was drugged by her husband and raped by over 80 men. He would invite them to come assault her while she was unconscious - and she only found out when police investigated him in connection with filming up women’s skirts in a supermarket.
I just found out that Gisele had gone to multiple doctors while the abuse was ongoing. She had concerns about blackouts, memory loss and vaginal bruising. She was dismissed every time. Told it was in her head or part of getting older.
This is why I talk about misogyny in medicine. About the importance of believing women and recognizing they’re the experts in their bodies. She KNEW something was wrong.
She couldn’t possibly know WHAT - because she was being drugged by a man she loved and trusted. But her body knew. So she went to get help from the doctors she trusted.
Imagine if they had really listened. If they had done a physical exam and found STIs? If they had done labs and found traces of drugs. It’s possible the doctors could have found evidence of abuse and stopped her from going home to a man who was causing her tremendous harm. At the very least there were enough warning signs to involve social work and investigate. The fact that the abuse went on for a decade and NO medical professional helped her? Its horrific.
They compounded her trauma by making her think it was all in her head (and at one point she was worried she was developing Alzheimer’s).
This is all too much. I feel overwhelmed with anger, sadness and grief for Gisele. For myself. For all women who’ve been victims of assault. For everyone who’s been dismissed and ignored by doctors they trusted to help them.
She is incredibly brave allowing her story and trial to be public - and I ask people not to look away. Say her name. Share her story. Let men know they WILL be held accountable. That we won’t suffer in shame and silence anymore.
Finally - to all the healthcare workers out there - please listen to your patients. Don’t dismiss someone without making sure you aren’t missing something. We can’t diagnose ourselves… we’re counting on you.
I found this article earlier which sums up a lot of what I’m feeling and can’t quite say yet: https://open.substack.com/pub/carolinecriadoperez/p/invisible-women-not-all-menbut-how?r=19dk2e&utm_medium=ios
#rape #abuse #consent #misogyny #notallmen #misogynyinmedicine #giselepelicot #bodilyautonomy #patriarchy #neglect #womensrights #womenshealth #believewomen
Invisible Women: not all men...but how many?
“I saw him now and then in the bakery; I would say hello. I never thought he’d come and rape me.”Caroline Criado Perez (Invisible Women)
craignicol
in reply to Broadwaybabyto • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
only heard about the story from that newsletter, and it's been churning ever since. A lot of men named and many in positions of authority, which makes me wonder what other decisions they've made knowing how they've demonstrated their willingness to abuse 🤮
After all, the police only found out because this wasn't the husband's only abuse.
Broadwaybabyto
in reply to craignicol • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
craignicol
in reply to Broadwaybabyto • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
"not all men" but there is definitely a skew towards men in authority positions who are therefore less likely to face consequences.
"Not all men" but ones that appear to be safe (she never suspected her husband or her neighbour).
"Not all men" but 80 in a small town.
"Not all men" but this somehow keeps happening. And some of the accused are saying it was consensual, even though they met on a rape site and she was unconscious?
craignicol
in reply to craignicol • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
it's going to be interesting to hear the defence - did the men believe it wasn't a crime? Did they believe they wouldn't get caught? Did they believe it wouldn't be their fault if they did get caught?
There's a culture that precipitates this behaviour, but how much will these men incriminate themselves in that culture?
Will there be anything that forces that culture to change? Stopping the site they met on won't stop the sickness that created it.
Broadwaybabyto
in reply to craignicol • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
craignicol
in reply to Broadwaybabyto • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
Actually a LLM
in reply to craignicol • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
craignicol
in reply to Actually a LLM • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
@me the point of "not all men" is that it's only ever used in bad faith, by men who feel too close to the story and need to distance themselves.
I have never seen an independent commentator accuse all men, although some have asked if any men notice abusive behaviour in men they associate with.
Broadwaybabyto
in reply to craignicol • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
@craignicol @me I really needed to hear this today. I lost a friend because I wouldn’t capitulate to not all men. I was talking about how men need to behave better if they want women to be less afraid - and he was insistent we should treat each person as they come and as an individual blah blah.
I tried to explain we don’t have that right because they may harm us - so we have to constantly be on guard until we learn if they’re a safe person (and sometimes you can never be sure - like Gisele). This got me labelled a misandrist and unfriended.
I don’t get it - I was genuinely trying to point out WHY we have to be guarded. I know it’s not ALL men… but it’s far too many and it’s not like the bad eggs wear a sign.
craignicol
in reply to Broadwaybabyto • • •Content warning: rape, abuse, medical misogyny
@me sure, great everyone as an individual, but as the Schroedinger's Rapist article demonstrates, it's always better to start with a low risk tolerance because the consequences of getting it wrong are high.
And it's common amongst men to underestimate risk (just look at the Darwin awards), and I know I do that as well, women I'm with definitely see risks where I don't, because I've not been trained all my life to see them.