I find it really hard to mask in English, no matter how much coaching I do of sentences, and try to add some pleasant stuff, it still comes across as too direct and weird it seems.
I wonder how people natively speaking english does this, maybe they just are more aware of how much overly polite language are needed and naturally feel less exhausted about having to put it in everywhere?
Ambivalena
in reply to sotolf • • •Do you mean IRL or in writing (or perhaps both)?
It must be more difficult in a second language in general and even harder spoken?
sotolf
in reply to Ambivalena • • •Mostly when I write I find, usually I come across as way harsher and unfriendlier than what I am trying to, I don't often speak English in real life, I mostly listen to it and use text, but usually it's easier then, since I am not a person that come across too aggressive in real life :)
I think in Norwegian and German I normally come across better, but it might also be that people just don't comment on it that often :p
Ambivalena
in reply to sotolf • • •Ah okey, that must take a lot of energy to think of every word.
How do you know when you are being to harsh? Do people tell you?
I tend to "over explain" (don't know the proper word for this) to be sure there will be no missunderstanding, which often makes it to messy and no one gets it. 🤦🏽♀️
Masking suck either way.
Norweigan language always sounds nice and friendly ;)
sotolf
in reply to Ambivalena • • •Mostly they start discussing, like if I said something like it was an objective truth rather than saying something is my opinion.
I also quite often gets comments that I'm being harsh, or "angry at people" even though I'm just trying to talk.
"over explaining" makes sense to me :) I'm landing in either bucket either I start going too deep in the details because it's something I'm deeply into, or I go into the mode where I talk as if they know what is in my head already, because it looks perfectly normal to me :p So it's not correct anyway.
Yeah, masking sucks because it's really tiring, first there is so much work trying to work out what everyone is saying inbetween what they are actually saying, and then you have to mask and change everything to seem non-threatening or not sharp and blunt in a way, as the day gets longer I'm more tired and the mask slips more easily, to the point that I've stopped being on social networks around latest 18, because around that time I just am used up, and can't deal well with it anymore.
Yeah, that's probably also a part of
... Show more...Mostly they start discussing, like if I said something like it was an objective truth rather than saying something is my opinion.
I also quite often gets comments that I'm being harsh, or "angry at people" even though I'm just trying to talk.
"over explaining" makes sense to me :) I'm landing in either bucket either I start going too deep in the details because it's something I'm deeply into, or I go into the mode where I talk as if they know what is in my head already, because it looks perfectly normal to me :p So it's not correct anyway.
Yeah, masking sucks because it's really tiring, first there is so much work trying to work out what everyone is saying inbetween what they are actually saying, and then you have to mask and change everything to seem non-threatening or not sharp and blunt in a way, as the day gets longer I'm more tired and the mask slips more easily, to the point that I've stopped being on social networks around latest 18, because around that time I just am used up, and can't deal well with it anymore.
Yeah, that's probably also a part of it, I also feel that in most scandinavian languages we don't really expect to have as many politeness and "I am nice, and mean no harm" markers when we speak, so it's easier to mask since we don't really need to do as much, also it's my native language, so it's way easier to guess what's expected :)
Ambivalena
in reply to sotolf • • •I so recognize all of this, and in a way glad I only need to use my mother toungue (part from fedi).
I have been hearing that I am angry all my life, when I am not and that is so frustrating and even hurtful some times.
And that kind of tierdness is so hard to get a rest from since you go over what came out wrong or what someone meant, in your head.
I guess you think more about how a second laguage come across than you do with your mother toungue.
sotolf
in reply to Ambivalena • • •Ambivalena
in reply to sotolf • • •Well that is true, never really thought about it in that perspective. Also probably why I mostly been hanging around with male friends.
On the other hand we often learn more social stuff, but hey, I have come across as weird so many times.
I can understand that, and I hope you are okey with that.
sotolf
in reply to Ambivalena • • •Ambivalena
in reply to sotolf • • •