When I'm composing, I find meaning in the act of challenging myself, and/or to make some kind of a puzzle for myself that I have to solve in the music. Oftentimes, I make up rules for myself that I have to follow, like for example when I'm using the knitting pattern for Thordis' fichu as a basis for my compositions (I'll post one of those compositions in the comments - the Finnish Sähkökitarakvartetti playing Hyrnan IV). As you could imagine, this does not make my work simple or easy, or maybe I'm just not clever enough to be able to do this easily in a way that I would be happy with, so - hard mode it is!
When I'm composing with the knitting pattern, I do a lot of experiments and sketches, and then I choose the bits and pieces I like most, and try to make something out of those. It can be really complicated to put the sketches together in a way that makes sense for me. Therefore, while I'm working on the composition, I have to get used to everything sounding terrible before it starts to sound better, and keep chiselling away at the heap of awfulness until something I'm happy with starts emerging.
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