I can’t believe there’s a Defenders of the Earth video game!

Man, this takes me back to my childhood. Does anyone else remember the Defenders of the Earth Saturday morning cartoon? How cool was it that, during the 80s, we got a cartoon featuring Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake, and Lothar?

It was a great time to be a kid, and if I knew the Defenders of the Earth video game existed, I would have bought it. But this game didn’t get a console release. It didn’t even get a DOS release. This game only got released on computer platforms that were popular in Europe – making me believe it was released only in Europe.

So, I fired up the Atari ST version, and I’ll be honest: this game is peak “average”. There’s some stuff to love and plenty to rage about. It’s basically a crash course in 80s game design. Rule #1: if you don’t read the manual, Flash Gordon becomes Flash Frustration. He’s running around Ming’s castle, but here’s the catch: you have to call your pals to help you. Got a locked door? The Phantom kicks it in. Big gap? Mandrake’s bridge magic to the rescue.

The whole thing has a metroidvania vibe – if someone heard about the genre third hand. You can search through rooms to find items, some of which are guns that give you better firepower. That aspect of the game is also great.

Here’s a hot tip: bring a joystick with auto-fire, or else you’ll hate yourself. Enemies spawn faster than a cat can bat at a laser pointer. No matter how many you take out, they keep respawning. It’s like Ming’s got a cloning facility off-screen.

And damage? Oh, you’re absolutely taking it. Think of it as “mandatory bruising”. You’re Flash Gordon, so toughen up, buttercup – there’s no delicate dodging here. Try to grab health whenever you can.

Let’s not kid ourselves. Without the high difficulty, this game would be over in 20 minutes. And don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice 20 minutes, but you can tell the devs were dialling up the challenge because they wanted to hide that Defenders of the Earth is really short.

As I said, I’m playing the Atari ST version, which is not so different from the Amiga version – but very different from the C64 and Spectrum versions.

Visuals? I’ll give credit where due. The sprites are detailed, and the background have a little bit of the sweet parallax scroll. The use of dither was excellent, and I loved the colour palette.

Sound could have been better though. The opening title screen had great music. But once you get into the levels, there’s no music – just sound effects. This is the Atari ST, people! Where’s the synth music?

Oh, did I mention you’ll need the keyboard too? Because <Space> is your Bat-signal to call your squad. On an emulator, you’re all good. But on real hardware, you’re playing joystick twister to make things happen.

Enigma Variations developed Defenders of the Earth. They’re primarily known for the Kick Off franchise, but they also made a number of licensed games, including The Flintstones for Game Boy.

I’d only play Defenders of the Earth if you’re either a fan of the cartoon and want to see what you may have missed, or love hard platformers that end quicker than an episode of the Saturday morning cartoon. For everyone else? Consider this your warning label.