Sensitive content
Yesterday @Erdrandbewohner postet a video about pick up artists “specializing” themselves in autistic women and the fact that 88,4% of autistic women report that they experienced SA in the past. The number didn’t surprise me and I am one them.
So, what makes autistic women and people of all genders, that are not cis men so prone to experience SA?
I didn’t watch the video, I don’t want to, but here are my thoughts about this, based on my personal experiences and what I learned from other feminists.
Besides all the bullshit all women have to deal with, primarily the fact that we learn very early that our needs are much less important than the needs of men, that we are constantly criticized for being angry, speaking out or purely existing, there are several other aspects that make us extremely vulnerable.
First there is the obvious aspect that many of us have difficulties reading social cues and we take things very literally, that we think that everyone is as honest as we are. But that is not the main reason in my experience. It’s also not the fact that our natural body language and stimming, like playing with our hair can be perceived as flirting when we are not.
It’s the constant invalidation we have to deal with since childhood. That is true to a certain extent for autistic men and allistic women too, but the intersection of both is extreme and I can’t even imagine how it must be for black autistic women or autistic women of colour.
I learned very early that my needs are not important, that I am too sensitive, too loud, annoying, that I am the problem and was told that I should stop making things up, shut the fuck up and adapt. I learned that life is painful, that love is painful, that interacting with other people, with this world is painful, that was my normality until I started to read feminist books, until I found out that I am autistic at the age of 42 and connected with the autistic online-community. And even now these things are so deeply ingrained into my system, that they influence me on a subconscious level and probably always will.
Autistic women are often undiagnosed and/or misdiagnosed, which makes us end up in burnout, isolated, unsupported or being stuck in relationships, that are not good for us, not understanding what is going on. It happened to me, that I stayed overnight at a men’s apartment, who already made me feel uncomfortable, but I ignored my intuition, because I had nowhere else to go, I was practically homeless, because burnout crashed my life.
But rape culture doesn’t start with non-consensual sex or even touch, it starts with men believing that they can do whatever the fuck they want to a woman and get away with it, because the sad truth is, that they usually do.
So, to all the men, who think that they are the good ones and not part of the problem, please ask yourself the following questions honestly:
When there is a conflict between a man and a woman, do you automatically assume that he is right and she is probably wrong or at least overreacting?
Do you act differently in a group with other men than on your own?
When another man makes a sexist joke, do you call him out or do you say nothing?
What consequences do men who behave sexist have to face from you?
Do you think, that women are complicated and difficult to understand?
Did you ever read a feminist book?
It’s not all men who take advantage of vulnerable women, but all men profit from patriarchy in one way or the other and most of you feel way to comfortable in doing so.
#ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #neurodivergent #Feminism #Intersectionality

Jens Finkhäuser
in reply to Katta • • •Sensitive content
Autistic folk supposedly tend to do this thing I do, which is tell a story about ourselves in response to hearing about someone else's bad experiences. It's not centering our experience, but rather an expression of shared things. Relating via overlaps.
I'm pretty sure that is understood here. And at the same time, it feels *incredibly* off to talk about a cishet(-ish) male perspective in response to this. I hope it's received in the sense it's...
Jens Finkhäuser
in reply to Jens Finkhäuser • • •Sensitive content
... meant.
Anyhow. After searching most of my life in some way why some things never fit right for me, AuDHD ticks all the boxes.
The more I understand it, the clearer it becomes it's not AuDHD that's the issue much of the time, it's actually the trauma response of existing AuDHD in a neurotypically normative world.
When you add the norms that toxic masculinity imposes on men to the mix - which make abso-fucking-lutely zero sense - I can safely...
Jens Finkhäuser
in reply to Jens Finkhäuser • • •Sensitive content
... say that the vast majority of my own traumata relate to that more than to AuDHD alone.
This to the point where I have a tendency to accept abuse to myself before I figure out it's not right, actually.
TL;DR, if I flip the coin of my experiences and combine that with a bit of listening, the themes from the OP emerge. There is no question or doubt in my mind about your experiences. They fully track with what I know of this world.
And I'm sorry.
Jens Finkhäuser
in reply to Jens Finkhäuser • • •Sensitive content
The only thing I disagree with is that men profit from patriarchy. Like, no, it's obvious we do. I'm not questioning that.
What I'm saying is: there's also a price, to ourselves, and that is terrible and not worth paying.
The main thing patriarchy does? It allows us to externalise much of that price on women.
That's why it's easy to doubt its existence. No need to feel pain when you can push it down by shoving someone around, right?
Fuck that.
Jens Finkhäuser
in reply to Jens Finkhäuser • • •Sensitive content
I'm sometimes grateful that with my mind working how it does, I didn't have so much opportunity to join in on the collective denial.
So, guys, take it from a "insider" with an "outside" perspective? The OP was being *nice*.
Regular "good guys" cause pain left and right, most of the time being oblivious to it. And then being widdle babies when they're being challenged.
In bro terms: weak.
Big fists don't hide that.
Katta
in reply to Jens Finkhäuser • • •Sensitive content
Thank you. I understand. I am sorry you had to suffer too neurokin.