“You’re not fun anymore”

This was one of the last things a friend said to me before ghosting me over my disabilities & covid caution.

My wearing a mask? Not fun

My being bedbound? Not fun

My inability to travel? Not fun

She then said “I don’t know how you can live this way”

Almost everyone with chronic illness experiences this at some point.

Many ableds want us to hide our disabilities.

They want us to be the same as we were before because it makes things more comfortable for them.

If we show them the depths of our suffering?

They can’t cope.

They see us as better off dead.

Let me be perfectly clear… we live this way because we have no choice.

No one taps you on the shoulder and asks if you’re ok with becoming disabled.

No one gets your consent before stripping you of your health and leaving you bed bound.

It just happens. It can occur in the blink of an eye, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.

We can’t just go to the doctor and demand to be “fixed”.

We have to adapt. We have to grieve. We have to learn to accept our new life and find ways to cope.

Is it fun? Of course not.

Is it necessary? Yes.

Does it mean we aren’t fun anymore? No.

We’re still the same people we were before we became ill, our bodies just don’t function the way they used to.

We still experience joy and sadness. We still crave human connection.

People who decide we aren’t “fun anymore” are missing out on all the joy and friendship we have to offer.

They’re also denying the reality of the human condition:

Disability happens to almost everyone eventually.

It’s a minority group you can join at any time.

Chronic illness isn’t “fun”. I’m not going to lie and say otherwise.

It’s a difficult life filled with pain, sadness and a lot of disappointment.

But there can also be so much joy, and my former friend’s inability to see that is a poor reflection on her, not me.

We must stop treating people like commodities.

We must stop acting like their value is tied up in what they can produce or their physical ability.

We all have value.

We all have worth.

We all have things that light us up.

I was angry at this person for a long time.

I did so much for them over the years and then got tossed aside like garbage when I was no longer useful.

I’m trying to let the anger go.

I’m trying to remind myself that anyone who can’t love me as I am isn’t worth my time.

It’s not easy.

The pain we experience when people abandon us is real and adds insult to very real injury.

But I promise you there are better days ahead.

There are people who will stick by you no matter what.

People who won’t make you hide your pain and suffering.

There are people who will show up for you and accept you as you are.

Who will wear a mask, hold your hand in the hospital or visit you when you’re laying in bed.

Cherish those people. Nurture those relationships. Make sure they know how much it means to you.

If you’ve read this far and have a disabled person in your life, please reach out to them.

Say hi. Ask how they are. Offer to visit or provide some help. Show up for them.

Never underestimate the power of a small act of kindness, and refuse to leave people behind.

#disability #ableism #chronicillness #eugenics #inclusion #COVIDisAirborne